I'm learning to use voice recognition software. It's pretty cool. I can't talk fast enough though. Will be practicing that. Guess one handed typing is slow enough for me to think, edit, and write. Still, it's good to learn. I can see so many ways to use it and save my energy.

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MAKING THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE

“Start by doing what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” - Saint Francis of Assisi

Three years ago I was injured in a car crash which resulted in a spinal cord injury at C 5 - 8 and a brachial plexus injury which affected the function of my left hand. Before my accident I loved to write. I kept a journal and wrote poetry. When my daughters were small, I wrote a story for each of them with characters that were reflective of each of their personalities. For the five months that I was in the rehabilitation center, I missed writing terribly. I was paralyzed except for my right arm and hand, however, my right hand was so weak that I had to learn to write all over again. Even after learning to write again, I could only write in short sentences or sign my name before my hand would become too tired to hold the pen. I wish I had known about your product at that time, however, I think part of the issue at that time was that there was not internet access available in patient rooms. Perhaps the occupational therapists did not have time to acquaint patients about its availability when, for most of us, our time in therapy was devoted to relearning “functional” skills like sitting up, rolling over, dressing, and so on. I am just excited to know about Dragon Naturally Speaking products now. I learned about it from the neuropsychologist I saw after discharge from rehab. I have a lot more to learn about how to use this voice recognition software, especially the commands, but am getting more proficient daily! Thank you for reopening an important piece of my world at a time when I had begun to feel that I was losing everything, including my career. I am grateful that Dragon Naturally Speaking is making what seemed to be impossible, possible!

( I wanted to share my story, however, please don’t enter my story in the contest. The stories of others that I have been reading on Facebook are so much more deserving of winning the prize than mine. My story is simply to express my heartfelt gratitude.)

"If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Meditation is essential for our survival, our peace, our protection".– from The World We Have by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh

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I know this is a huge missing piece of my life. I will be so glad to get this added back in and reclaim some rhythm to life. I watched several video clips on the Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation about locomotor training, Some of the people in the clips looked like me. I realized that I was ashamed of myself when I went for my evaluation. I only saw myself as not ok and was so embarrassed that I could not do more. I sent the clips to my case manager today with a note about whether or not I gave up too soon. Some days I feel strong enough to do more. I feel like I'm just lazy and so indecisive sometimes. Oh, well...all solutions do not have to be arrived at today.

I do not want a plain box,

I want a sarcophagus With tigery stripes, and a face on it

Round as the moon, to stare up.

I want to be looking at them when they come

Picking among the dumb minerals, the roots.

I see them already-the pale, star-distance faces.

Now they are nothing, they are not even babies.

I imagine them without fathers or mothers, like the first gods.

They will wonder if I was important. -Sylvia Plath, "Last Words"
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Memorial Day. School's out (almost - two make-up days for the swine flu closings). Summer is on it's way. Cloudy outside. Haley is planning a party this evening with friends - cookout. Hope it doesn't get rained out. I have no plans. Appointment this afternoon, but, after that - who knows...Haley & Rebel are sleeping in. Rebel was awake & barking @ 6:45 AM. Woke both Haley & I. Thought he wanted to goou, but no! Finally figured out that his water bowl was empty. He got a drink, climbed back into bed under the covers and went to sleep. What a goof!

What in the world is going on!?! I just realized that I haven't changed clothes since Friday or taken a bath since Thursday. I know I've been distracted, not sleeping, busy trying to get through the mess in my room, find and take care of school stuff for Haley, weigh the safety issues for my daughters if the travel to Nepal, and me hating every minute of my life right now. I did exercise and use my stander today, finally got my meds set up for the week, talked with the vendor who helps me with my wheelchair to start working on a car solution. I would so love to go on a trip with my daughters, but the irony of it all is that I would not be able to do so because I would not have had the money or time off of work before this accident - I was about to start my third job.. So, this is the cruel tradeoff. Now I have the money to do a little traveling, but the hassle is not worth it to me. So, if I had my old life back, I would be on the other end of the "catch 22" - able and loving to travel but no means to do so. What's up with that? How is this to be reconciled? Do I cry for awhile over the life that was not meant for me, and, once again, try to craft something of value out of this existence? It seems so unfair. I want to take my daughter and her friend to the beach. I want to take my daughters to Nepal to make certain they are safe and to share experiencing a new culture. Why is it that some people seem to have it all while I feel like I'm constantly fighting an uphill battle. I know it's just "my story". My story sucks today!!!

Fire and Rain by James Taylor

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone

Susanne the plans they made put an end to you

I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song

I just can't remember who to send it to

I've seen fire and I've seen rain

I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end

I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend

But I always thought that I'd see you again

Won't you look down upon me, Jesus

You've got to help me make a stand

You've just got to see me through another day

My body's aching and my time is at hand

And I won't make it any other way

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain

I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end

I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend

But I always thought that I'd see you again

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun

Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around

Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come

Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain

I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end

I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend

But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now

Thought I'd see you one more time again

There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now

Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now

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Heard this song this morning through new ears. It spoke to my struggle right now. "Susanne" represents the "me" before my accident - when I could walk, be spontaneous, and feel comfortable in my own body...I was told that you (my body whole) were gone, not to return again. I have held onto the hope that I would have it all back again, if I just believed and worked hard enough...but it is not enough to make you come back again. I've slipped into a time of denial, with my back turned toward the truth. I've depended on Jesus to get me through each day, one day at a time...I've been through good times and bad times that turned out fine, so I chose to treat this time the same. Now that it seems I will not see "Susanne" again, "sweet dreams (of complete recovery) and flying machines (hopes for the future) in pieces on the ground"...

"My time is at hand" to accept what is and to face the reality that I might have reached my maximal recovery, let go of the hope of more and more recovery and begin the reconstructing my life from where I am now.

Avoid this activity and avoid swine flu!!! Today is not "kiss a pig" day...

"Everyone thinks you are an open book today because the showy Leo Moon is in your 1st House of Personality. But unbeknown to others, you are in touch with deeply rooted emotions that have not yet reached the surface. Your hidden thoughts carry more weight because they are unspoken; once you share them the energy will quickly dissipate. In the meantime, observe how others judge you without necessarily saying more than you must." Rick Levine
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Whether I believe in astrology or not, this statement rings true. Why am I having such a hard time letting my guard down and exposing the reality I am experiencing? I am really at a loss about how to put my life back together in a meaningful whole. This is so totally ridiculous. Just the same I am feeling incredibly sad.